I have three boys with very distinct personalities. Maverick could care less if he gets a time out and cries multiple times a day. Stirling is very stoic and if he sheds a tear, you better believe he is very hurt. He hates to be in trouble and it will effect his whole day if he gets a time out. Roman is very care free and loves to be rewarded. The way I discipline and show my love to each of my children differs depending on their needs.
I think it is important to be fair across the board, but also it is our responsibility as parents to know our children and love them the best way we know how. We have the privilege to mold them and prepare them for the world and the best way to do that is to love them well. I have had to really observe my boys and learn the best way to love them.
My oldest son Stirling is very sweet. If his brothers want something he is playing with, he will give it to them. If they are fighting over something, he is the first to concede. However, he needs to know that I see his kindness. His little love tank is filled by having one on one time with me or special “dates” where we do something just the two of us. I can tell when he is starting to feel like he is fading in the background as he starts acting out.
Stirling can also be quiet and enjoys alone time. He is quite different than me and I’ve had to learn that my expectations or desires for him are not necessarily the best. He is not me. What makes me happy or filled isn’t the same for him. I’ve had to learn who he is and what he needs and as his mother- and in turn try my best to provide that for him.
This whole parenting gig is hard but is such an adventure full of rewards. It takes effort and energy to be a good mom. There is nothing better than having your kids look at you with love.